Guest Post from the Iron Turtle (aka Speedy Turtle's Hubby)

Hi all, 

Most of you know that on 25 Aug 2013, my hubby completed his first Ironman! I am so proud of him!! Here is his race report!

Ironman Louisville by Don Gaines
“You can do it…I will be there 100% of the way!”  I can still remember the day.  I was sitting at work and I was talking to my lovely wife (aka Speedy Turtle) and we were discussing the upcoming year’s schedule.  The conversation had somehow turned to doing a full IRONMAN.  I had said something to the effect of how I would like to do one some day and my lovely wife asked why I wasn’t going to do one next year.  Well…full time job, full time dad and working on my Master’s sort of took up my time.  Then she told me the magic line; that she would be there 100% of the way.  I sat there on the phone for a few seconds and then clarified what she meant by that.  That with work, studies and training that time together was going to be very limited.  Without a second’s delay, she said that she understood but that this was something that she knew I wanted to do and was willing to support me any way she could.  As I continued to waffle on the idea, she finally told me to sign up and quit being a wimp.  She practically dared me to sign up.  As much as I love her, there are times she can goad me into things I normally wouldn't do.  As soon as our conversation ended, I got online and looked at what was available.  Well, there was Coeur D’Alene, Louisville, Whistler, and Wisconsin.  CDA was just too soon for my taste and WAY too hilly.  Out.  Whistler…even Hillier…Out.  Wisconsin…while the bike looked like a good challenge the last part of the run was uphill…out.  So that left two options.  Louisville or volunteer this year to do it next year.  Well, volunteering was out.  Wife just DARED me to sign up and calling her back to say I needed to volunteer this year was like saying I am afraid but might find some courage at a later date.  So…that left Louisville.  Reading the write up is like reading a traveler’s brochure.  Beautiful scenery, rolling hills and a flat run at the end. Oh...and it could be a warm race.  So there I was forking over a WHOLE lot of money to sign up.  Once I got the E-mail saying I was signed up, I sent it to the Speedy turtle as a way of saying “Dare me will ya!?!”  I got a call back from her congratulating me on signing up.  Wait...what did I just do? 

                In November, I with my new coach, Lesley, decided that I would start up in May, which would get me about a 20 week plan.  So I guess I COULD have signed up for CDA.  I remember Lesley looking at me and asking why I chose Louisville.  When I explained my reasons I asked her why she was wondering.  “Because it is in Kentucky in the middle of Summer!  If you can do this race you can do any of them! It’s a hard Ironman!”  Oh…yea…I didn’t even think about that.  Just how hot could it get? A quick look on Google gave me the answer.  Average temp in Louisville at the end of August is between 86 to 95 with humidity in the mid 60%.  Yea…hot.  ¼ of the people who signed up for Louisville the year before didn’t finish the race.  Yea…hard. What did I get myself into on this “dare”?   Here is my coach who did IM Texas and did it so well that she qualified for Kona and she is telling that I signed up for a “hard” IM?!?”  You ever get that pit in your stomach that tells you that you may have made a mistake? 

                Flash forward to the end of May and the start of training.  Up to then, the training was nothing really long.  A couple of hours on the bike, an hour run here and there and some swims.  As soon as Memphis In May Triathlon was done, I remember looking at my wife and saying, “here we go.”  I got a smile and a hug and her famous smile.  Without a word, she gave me her approval and understanding.  For the next 20 weeks, it was like a whirlwind.  Between work, school and my training I really don’t remember much of this last summer.  I know that EVERY weekend was spent on my bike or on the road.    After work was a run or Computraining at Biomeckanics with Billy.  In the morning was swimming.  All my runs were in the afternoon.  I figured that I would run at the time I would expect to be on the run during the race.  It didn’t matter how hot it was, the run was in the afternoon.  I kept the motto, train like you fight, fight like you train.  Through it all was my wife.  I always got a kiss as I went out the door to workout.  On my 20 mile run, she was my SAG, refilling my bottle and giving me something to snack on every 5 miles.  If I was late on my ride, I would get a phone call asking where I was.  She even came out looking for me  once when I didn’t respond to her call.  Of course I teased her for looking for me like that but I was happy that she was concerned.  When our son needed to go out of town for a swim meet, she took him so that I could stay home to train.  She did it all and never got upset. She even got my areo helmet painted as a present for my race.  For the last 20 weeks, she kept her word.  She supported me 100%.  Like I said earlier, the whole summer was a blur of work, school and working out.  Before I knew it, it was the middle of August. 

                We left on Thursday to head up to Louisville.  I was pretty good during the ride and tried to just enjoy the drive and got up to Louisville but missed checking in by 15 minutes.  Oh well.  We decided to get some dinner and go take a look at where the finish line was going to be. After dinner we went to “4^th street live” and saw where the finish line was going to be which was also where the halfway point was; 100 feet apart from each other.  I kept thinking “what sick bastard made the half-way point on the run so close to the finish line?!”

Friday my mom and Aunt came in to be part of my cheering crowd and did a group ride for the first 12 miles of the bike.  I also checked in for the race this day.  I am sure anyone who has done any triathlon will agree it isn’t real until they put your race bracelet on.  I will say that it got REAL at this point.  Saturday turned into a busy day.  First thing was a swim in the river.  Actually the water was great.  Not too hot and not too cold and I felt really good in the water.

Underpants Run

Underpants Run - the family!

Underpants Run - part of the crowd

  After the swim was the Louisville underpants run!  Yep, a 1.2 mile run in little more than your underwear.  I even had Speedy Turtle and the boy join me on the run!  It was a nice break and the run was for a good cause.  The afternoon was spent turning in my bike and run bag as well as turning the bike in.  After a nice dinner with the family I was off to bed. 

                Believe it or not, I actually got some sleep the night before a race. Probably first time ever.  I was fully expecting to do nothing but toss and turn and I actually got a pretty good night’s sleep.  



Up at 3:45am and got a PB&J sandwich, a banana and a protein drink.  At 4:30, Speedy turtle and I headed out to get to the transition area.  My mom, aunt and the boy were going to sleep in a little longer and be there in time to see me get out of the water.  The walk from the hotel to the transition area was a good way to wake up and relax a little.  Got to the transition area and took one more look at the bike and headed to the swim. 


 After a mile walk to the swim start (no kidding…a mile walk) I sat there with the speedy turtle until about a half hour before the start.  I then headed over to wait in line for the swim start.  After yet another mile of walking before I found the end of the line.  Before I knew it, I heard the cannon goes off.  Game time. Nothing will quiet a group of people more than knowing that it is now time to put up or shut up.  The walk back to the start line took over a half hour but it seemed like a pretty quick 30 minutes and I was in the water. 

                Unlike most IRONMAN events, the Louisville swim starts is a time trial instead of a mass start.  There is a really good reason for it.  The start of the swim is in a narrow protected channel.  That channel is a couple hundred feet wide and about ¾ of a mile long and then slowly opens up to the mile turn marker.  That ¾ mile swim was pretty much a combat swim.  At least this is what I envisioned from discussion from all my SEAL friends.  I had people all around me and trying to even get a little swimming room was difficult.  About the ¾ through the channel I finally got tired of the same guy climbing on top of me.  First time, I gave a gentle push.  Second time…a more forceful push.  Third time…a shove and when he popped up to look I gave him a punch in the nose.  Not a tap…not hand in the face…A PUNCH IN THE NOSE!  To my defense, I will say that I was tired and tired of getting clobbered in the water but not one of my better moments.  The mile swim had me at 38 minutes.  Not bad having to fight my way through most of it.  Once we made the turn we were fully into the Ohio River and everyone opened up into their own swim lane.  The next 1.4 miles was the same time as my first mile. So a 1:16 for the swim.

Right after the Swim!

 Not too bad and I was feeling good.  Saw Mom and my Aunt and gave them a hug and kiss and headed into the transition area. 

I would love to say that I was in and out in a matter of a few minutes but not so much.  I swear there was some space time continuum where I thought I was in the tent for a few minutes and found out that I was in there for 15 minutes.  I swear that I didn’t make any calls or take a nap or anything but the clock had me at 15 minutes.  Oh well.  T2 will be faster.

Off on the ride and I was feeling good and for the first 5 miles or so, I was doing great.  Then my right arm started to shift downward and I needed to stop to see what was going on.  After a little quick maintenance I discovered that the screw that held my arm rest to my areo bars was missing.  Not sure how it happened but it did.  I started thinking about what Lesley said, “no matter how well you prepare SOMETHING is going to happen and you are going to have to deal with it.”  Some quick thinking and I took one of the screws from my arm rest and used it to try and hold my arm rest to the bar.   The good thing…the screw I used appeared to be the same size.  The down side….it was long enough to hold the arm rest but short enough that it was going to work its way out eventually.  ‘Eventually’ turned out to be about every 20 miles or so.  Yes, it was frustrating to have to stop every hour but it was also a blessing in disguise.  Having to physically stop and fix my bike also gave me a chance to get a drink and also keep my heartrate down.  What could have been something that caused me to become frustrated and angry turned out to help keep my body in check.  There was a scare on the ride.  About mile 40 I was heading into town and saw a cop yelling to go left.  I thought he was trying to tell the driver in the car that he was next to go left but I guess that call was for me.  As I went right, the driver suddenly turned hard right and I was laying hard on my brakes to try and stop.  Luckily I was able to stop in time and avoid becoming road rash. Bless the spectators!  I got praise for my quick actions and the cop and driver got chastised for being on the road in the first place.  No kidding, they were more upset about the cop’s action than I was!  I was just glad that I didn’t become a hood ornament.  At mile 70 (which was almost the same spot as the near miss) I got to see my family cheering me on!  A great morale booster even though I only saw them for a few seconds.  Besides that, the ride was pretty nice but good Lord was it hilly!  DO NOT BELIEVE THE BROCHURE!! Picturesque rolling hills means steep climbs with breakneck descents around open fields.  Going up at 9 miles an hour and down at 40 turned into the norm for the race.  The only flat part of the bike was the first and last 12 miles.  On top of the “gentle rolling terrain” was the constant climb of the temperature.  The bike ride started in the low 70’s and was in the mid 90’s when I got off.  Yea…good times there.  On the way in I saw a number of people sitting on the side of the road trying to get the energy to ride back in.  It was obvious that they pushed too hard and their day was done.  Did I say how my mechanical issue was a blessing? It really was!

Transition 2.  Once again I entered into the space time continuum tent and changed out of my bike clothes and into my running gear. Honestly, had I known I was in the space time continuum, I would have looked for Dr. Who and gotten an autograph.  I have a lot of friends that are big fans and they would have thought the world of me for getting that for them.  One thing to note.   As I changed out, the guy next to me was there before me and would be there after I left.  The whole time he didn’t move or look up or anything.  All he did was sweat.  A lot. This wasn’t some misty “hey I just ran 5 minutes and now I’m sweaty” sweat.   It was like pouring out of him.  It was like waterfall sweat.  That kind of sweat you see in those commercials for some super-duper strength arm deodorant where they are playing some vague sport and sweat dripping off their nose.  The whole time the volunteers in there were trying to get him to drink something…ANYTHING!  Nope.  All he wanted to do was sweat. A lot.  I changed and left the man to continue to water the grass underneath him.  Out of the tent and a quick stretch and off on the run.  I even got a chance to give my sweetheart a quick kiss, a high five to the boy and a quick hug to my mom.  Surely I wasn’t in there for more than 5-10 minutes.  Surely faster than my T1 time.  Close.  21 minutes.  Damn space time continuum.

2.4 mile swim. Check.  112 mile bike ride. Check.  All that’s left is this pesky little run.  OK... a marathon.  Do you know the history of the marathon?    The legend states that Pheidippides was sent from the battlefield of Marathon to Athens to announce that the Persians had been defeated in August or September, 490 BC.  It is said that he ran the entire distance without stopping and burst into the assembly, exclaiming "We wοn!" before collapsing and dying.  I can relate. It’s August and I have been doing battle all day with the heat and the hills.   The start of the run was in the mid 90’s but I was feeling good.  I mean really GOOD.  I was smiling and thought, “Hey, I just might do this!”  I was that way until about mile 7 or so.  Before I knew it, my stomach felt like it got flipped upside down.  Running simply made my stomach worse and by mile 10 I was thinking that everything I took in today was going to find its way to the outside if I didn’t slow down.  Now, “slow down” is a relative term. I was running a 11-12ish mile pace or what many know as the Triathlon shuffle.  My shuffle was now restricted to a walk.  About 5 minutes or so my stomach would settle down and off I would go again.  5 minutes later…stomach ache and back to a walk.  And this was how I completed my first marathon; a slow shuffle to a walk back to a slow shuffle.  Yes…I had not done a marathon up to this point.  My thought was that if I did a marathon before an Ironman I would know how hard that is and I would not do an Ironman for a number of years.  This way, I would know how hard an Ironman is and just think that the marathon was hard because of the swim and bike.  Yea…crazy logic but it worked! Mile 12 was turning into a dark place.

 I wasn’t feeling well and I could hear the crowd but knew I still had another 14 miles to go.  Just when I thought I was going to just really hit rock bottom, lo and behold a familiar face.  THE BOY!!  And he was wearing shorts, my team “Droopy” shirt, sandals and Mickey Mouse hands!  For the next mile, we ran together and I watched him high five people with those silly hands.  Nothing made my spirits rise more than to spend that mile with my son and watch him enjoy the moment with the crowds asking for high fives from him.  As we turned for lap two, there was the speedy turtle waiting for me at the special needs tent.  There I changed into a new pair of shoes, socks and a new shirt.  As I did that, my lovely bride gave my bag to my son and asked him to take it to my mom.  She then took the hand-off from my son and off we went to start the next 13 miles.  About a mile into it, I was starting to feel great and told my wife that I was ready to take off alone again.  After a quick kiss and hug I was off again. 

 I got up with a few people here and there and ran with them but after about 2 more miles, the stomach started up again and I was back to the shuffle/walk routine.  I took my routine as still progress forward.  I looked at the watch a number of times and kept moving forward.  There were a number of people out there to keep my spirits up.  The priest that rang the church bells and quoted scripture on strength and courage.  The guy playing 70’s metal music.  The young girl holding a sign that said “Run like you F’ing stole it!”  Little things kept me moving.  At mile 20 a whole new issue came up.  Suddenly my feet felt like I was moving inside my skin.  Great…blisters.  By mile 22 my feet were starting to become painful and swollen.  By mile 23, my left foot felt like I was wearing a shoe two sizes too small and getting worse.  I really wasn’t sure if I could make the last 3 miles.  I stopped and stomped my foot on the ground as hard as I could.  I quickly felt the warm rush of fluid on the bottom of my foot and the pressure went away.  The new issue was that if I ran, my feet actually felt good but my stomach got upset.  If I walked my stomach was good but the feet hurt.  My solution was to run for as long as my stomach would let me and them walk until I couldn’t stand it on my feet.  This went on for a mile or so and then I needed to find something to focus on.  Okay…my disclaimer.  I was REAL tired and I REALLY needed to find something to focus on and…well…I’m a guy.  My focus was the very attractive lady who ran by me.  As she took off, I followed behind her and, let’s just say, I found my focus.  We made the left hand turn and the I could hear the crowd getting louder and louder. 

 As we made the right hand turn about 200-300 yards later, I could see ‘4^th St. Live’ and see the crowd.  Every ache, Every blister, my stomach, EVERYTHING suddenly felt fantastic!  My pace started up and I was ecstatic! I started to high five people.  I’m not talking one or two people.  I mean everyone who had their hand out I was greeting it.  I was on top of the world and I couldn’t believe it.  As I ran across the finish line and my hands were above my head, I realized I did it.  I was an Ironman!!  Through my wife’s dare, I completed one of the most grueling and most labor intensive events one could dream up.  15 hours, 6 minutes and 44 seconds to have bragging rights forever.

As soon as I crossed the finish line I was caught by a guy named James.  Great guy.  He kept telling me to keep moving but I had to sit down.  I needed to sit down and told him that if I didn’t sit down in the next 5 seconds I was going to pass out.  He took me to the first chair he found and I sat down, put my head between my legs and everything that was inside my stomach was now outside.  I sat there for a few minutes and felt hands on my back.  As I looked up, I saw my wife, Mom, Aunt and Son all looking at me.  I sat there for a few more minutes and started to feel better.  I then got the medal, the hat and shirt and met my family at the end of the chute.  The two block walk back to the room was somewhat daunting but it felt so good to be with everyone.  Once in the room, I took the shoes off and laid on the floor trying to recover a little.  As my wife sat there, she smiled and said that she was proud of me.  All the aches and pain are always worth a little support from my family.  Believe it or not, I talked to my coach about a ½ hour after getting to the room and she asked how I was.  Even though my stomach was torn up and I had huge blisters all over my feet I told her to add me to the list for Chattanooga for next year!  That run through the chute is unlike anything and I can’t wait to do it again.

Lessons learned –  Remember that no matter how well you plan, SOMETHING will happen.  Deal with it. Take all challenges as opportunities.  No bitching…the run hurts…guess what…it hurts everyone and complaining about it will get you nowhere. Remember that it is a race but it is an endurance race.  Going all out on the swim and bike will make for an early day. Thank those around you. Fight like you train and train like you fight. 

The #1 thing I learned.  You may race alone but you need a team to succeed.  Lesley was awesome and got me physically ready to get through the race.  She also helped me find the mental strength to get through it.  It was family that was amazing.  My mom and Aunt were fantastic and seeing them time and again was awesome.  My son was great to help me get through that half way point and seeing him through the race was great.  He was always yelling and cheering me on.  My wife was the bomb.  She was Sherpa extraordinaire!  Start to finish she was there.  During the race she was REALLY EVERYWHERE!  It was great to see her and have my morale boosted.  She took care of me after the race and I will always be grateful.  To those of you thinking of embarking on this adventure, I say “Do it!”  It’s not easy.  It’s not for the weak and it will tax you like nothing else.  But is anything worth trying supposed to be easy?